I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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