I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
