it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
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he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
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Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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