Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
