Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
