i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
