i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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