I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
