I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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