every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
