She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
