look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
