Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape