You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago