i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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