How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
