I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo