Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
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been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
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Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.