sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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