Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i think i have two assholes
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
