Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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