this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
