He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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