My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
