By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
