my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
