Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
is wine microwaveable?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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