Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
