Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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