I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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