You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
