He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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