Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
