Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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