I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
