Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The air taste purple.
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