just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
