we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
