i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My ATM looks so different sober.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think your dad took our porno
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
