my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
