Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
