You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
