I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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