I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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