the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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