Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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