It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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