Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
