she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
