I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
