anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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