I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize