the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
