I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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