I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
