Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
never play flip cup with pint glasses
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
