I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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