Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
