Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
