its not stalking. its research.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
