just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize