btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
