wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
