We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
