Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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