The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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