im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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