he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
