I can tuck mytits in my pants
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
