I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There r osticjed everywhere
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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