I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We left an ass print on the piano.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
