you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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