yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There r osticjed everywhere
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
Sex on roller skates
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?