in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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