I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
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bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
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Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.