The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???