i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.