Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
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Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
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All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You've changed since you got that strap on