oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
