Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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